life the way it is

2007-09-07T11:02:00.000+08:00

i shall once again attempt to update my blog.
and i shall start with smth really really really philosophical.
hahahaha...
maybe not.
after yesterday..all i gotta say is..

ZAHN TAYMUA
ILOVEYOU
THANKSFORSUPPORTING
THROUGH EVERYTHING!!!
TODAY'S FOR YOU

hahaha
i dont even rmbr how to be philosophical, jaded and cynical.
and i fear for my life.
oh well.

2007-06-20T13:30:00.000+08:00

finally finally im reviving my dead blog.
hahaha
again.
CPR in progress..
sigh
im slacking off my work
im supposed to do IH now..but im not
and instead doing everything but writing my report.
bahhhh
NATIONALS ARE 8 DAYS AWAYYYYYY
AWWWW

T.T

2006-10-26T00:08:00.000+08:00

93.
haaaa.
oh well.
what should i expect? ne?
nothing.
oh well.
i.
am
bored out of my skin.
seriously.
nobody's talking to me,
the admiral's ignoring me,
hell!
wait.
he's talking to his..erm...girlfriends.
hell i shall be bitchy.
what IS it with me and ppl?
i have no idea?
sigh.
heckheckheck
seeems that when i talk to certain ppl, i feell..well..emo.
i get..
sad.
and down.
and jealous
and.
and.
and.
well.
hell
EVERYTHING.
yyupyupyup
...
i cant even BE bitchy.
what is this?
im bored out of my skin.
can you see it jumping around?
tata

2006-09-29T18:09:00.000+08:00

Your Element Is Fire

Your passion and emotion are as obvious as the brightest flame.You make sparks fly, and your passion always has the potential to burst out.
You are exciting and creative - and completely unpredictable.You sometimes exercise control, and sometimes you let yourself go.
Friends describe you as sensitive, spirited, and compulsive.Bright and blazing with intensity, you seem mysterious and moody to many.

What's" Your Element?

2006-09-28T12:42:00.000+08:00

haallloo
a little catfish(ONE WORD she orders indignantly.)
phoosh
does she wanna say anything??
lol
-no.-
whhhhyyyy??
mrao?
*-*
-i am dead-
...ARGH
CALL THE AMBULANCE
DIAL 911!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-wrong. the morgue.-
nope
they have to pronounce you officially dead before you can get into the morgue.
-=.=-
oooo..severe infection of the eyes. SOOOO swollen
-blubmraodead-
huhuhuhuhuuh???
question marks
-dead scilence because i am dead already-
why you still typing.
:D:D::DD
-zombie-
orh....
ok.
hi zombified catfish
-hi.this is getting nowhere-
i realise.
im trying to get you to type something funny.
please?
something...catfishy
-don't call me that! iM NOT FISHY.-
I SAID CATFISHY
SOMETHING THAT IS UNIQUE TO THE LITTLE CATFISH
-_-
-????huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh???-
something thats unique to you.
like when you try to get mr bean to say something mr beanish
-hahax. like...mrao?-
smth liddat..
ooh
i got the headphones back
whee
-so? is that a big deal?-
big?
um
im big
ur small..
medium deal what.:D
waitl.
ur taller than me..
or are you shorter by 0.000000111111 cm?
-how tall are you in the first place?-
um.
165.2
-shorter-
ooooooo
thus is the end of little catfish's conversation
so sad.

2006-09-21T17:18:00.002+08:00

oh. wait.
look what she said.
AGAIN.
" I realised that i was too rash, and that i feel apologetic about TAT ONLI"
and, i pity myself/
ME
..
right.
so im wallowing in self pity, and i never see things from other ppls points?
hmmm..maybe.
true/not true?
i dont noe.
but i do noe this:
i CAN find a better fren than you
i already have.
ur trying to help.
i can see that?
everyone is on your side.
im the "blardie devil"
you just want to get the point through to me
in order to "HELP" me.
yes.
of course.
YOU are RIGHT.
YOU have "HELPED" me.
YOU have "HELPED" ME see what kind of PERSON you are.
if im so horrible?
1. we wouldnt have won nationals.
2. i wouldnt have my sister, and my brothers.
3. i wont even be on this world at all.

so you say im selfish
maybe i am.
everyone is.
dont tell me YOU"VE never been selfish.
oh look everyine!
IM PATHETIC
BY CUTTING MY WRISTS
TO GAIN SYMPATHY

let me tell you this, miss know it all.
ur not god's greatest gift to earth.
but.
whateva you've done, whateva you've said.
i forgive you.
i cant do anything else.
hate, will only burn deeper.

but, i shall indulge myself.
first, you said, oh, yeah but money plays a big part.
EeNing? oh look! shes got more potential than you have,
but no money thats why she doesnt trn?
me: hello? I USE MY POCKET MONEY
her: yeah, but we have to buy OUR DINNER with it.
me: ok
so, now i look at it
one, eening? has an mp3
like all of you.
presents right>?
or you buy yourself.
i have less cloathes then you have,
and as a matter of fact? they are ALL handmedowns.
the jeans i wear? MY MOMS
tshirts?
MY MOMS
now, tell me,
do i have an mp3?
i dont THINK SO
i DONT EAT AT 711?
I DONT GO wATCH MOVIES?
yeah
so, where got MORE MONEY
there
iv vented it all out.
maybe you were trying to help.
but, you dont noe me.
so why help?

2006-09-21T17:18:00.001+08:00

2006-09-21T17:18:00.000+08:00

well
so.
everything's supposed to BE a HELP.
oh look! your SUCH a HELPFUl girl.
wonderful
i feel helped.
doesnt everybody?
when someone, with ppl you THOUGHT you TRUSTED and KNEW you tells you STRAIGHT in your face.
1. YOU have an SERIOUS PROBLEM
2. YOU wont have any friends because of YOUR personality
3. YOU are FAKE
4. YOU go around telling FAKE STORIES just to GET SYMPATHY
5. YOU are a BITCH , so DONT call other ppl BITCHES
6. being YOUR FRIEND is TIRING
7. YOU were NEVER part of the TEAM. AT ALL ( the TEAM YOU happened to HELP keep TOGETHER during the NATIONALS)
8. PPL can FEEL YOUR EFFORT, but its NOT WORKING
9. YOU have CHANGED. BUT its the WRONG WAY
10.YOU are SELF CENTERED
11.YOU are a GOOD SHOOTER because YOU HAVE MONEY

hell.
is that something you would say to , if i may SAY
SOMEONE who just signed up for COUNSELLINg , which as EVERYBODY KNOWS is a SERIOUS matter
oh yes.
and by the way.
i tried to KILL MYSELF on sunday night.
oh. wait.
some one would PROBLY say:
DONT be so PITIFUl
and DONT try to GARNER SYMPATHY
oh.
wow.
WONDERFUL.
at least my counseller's nice.
SOME ppl just DONT GET IT .

2006-09-14T22:34:00.000+08:00

gawd
i had a horrible day
and im ashamed of it
cos i was an awful person
sigh

i dont noe what happened
honestly
i really dont

but even if i did,
nobody would read this blog
haahhh

well
it all started
when i decided to get all huffy about something
thats stupid of me
dont you think??
i think so too.

amy lim was complaining about my hair
saying that it was all untidy
and stuff
yeah
blah blah blajh
and i got pissed

2006-09-11T23:24:00.000+08:00

ok ok ok ok i'll blog
there
blogged
:P
more later soon i guess
hhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

2006-08-20T21:17:00.000+08:00

i lost a friend
today
i lost one.
for reasons i will not specify here
it is not within my power to force forgiveness
but, for once,i do not regret what i have done.
i noe what i did, but i do not regret it
and honest to god, i dont regret it.
its the other party's choice

2006-08-20T15:57:00.000+08:00

hah
i shall write a long post about air rifle
i noe its stupid..and i'll probly get called..called..stuck up? proud? whats that word for it...argh bah i cannot rmbr.
heck

im scared i cant pull my score back up again.
i have not shot 99s or how i used to shoot for almost 6 months.when i knew everything was good and right
yes, im learning new techniques right now..and well.
i just want to get the feeling back
i have it
but its not ripe yet.
and i really really hope i can pull my score back up again.
so i can shoot the way i used to...or better
sigh

2006-08-17T18:47:00.000+08:00

For through the golden bars of time,
Do we then spy upon moments lost and moments won.
Tears of repentance nor teaRs of joy be shed
For all is lost in Death’s warm embrace.
Slipping through grasping eager fingers P
lucked a day before ripeness
Once lost never returned
Write it in a book of woe.
A little bird hatched none too early nor none too late
Alighting on a small branch
Sprouting from patience
Sing a song of joy
A golden casket filled jewels shining bright
Sharp thorns adorn nettles dull
Mixed and matched ne’er divided
Be not cursed our kind ?

i have not written in ages
and eternitys
my pencil is rotting away somewhere.....

PLANETSHAKERS ROCKED
IT TOTALLY ROCKED
FINALLY HAD FAMILY REUNION WITH ANT EVERETT AND ALICE OHNEJAN!!!!
WHEEEE
IT ROCKED
IT ROCKED
all i can say
haha
damn fun
was like official photographer lohz!
haha
so funny.
ant is so cute!
hear that ant
ur cute like this!!-----> ._.
seee!
SO COOL
and both of us got major history lesson given by my dad
haha
ants house is nice
i havent seen alice for so long lor!!
and green is my new fav colour
hahha
lol
official anw.
-_-
lol
got influenced by sis
anw.
her bdae coming up soon
ppl lets get our brains cracking!
not like eggs hor..i need those for my brownies and im sure no one wants brain egg brownies
...
yuck
haha
lol
signing off
ATAT

2006-08-16T09:11:00.000+08:00

you had to come into my life didnt you
you had to ruin it
you had to throw it into disarray till i cant make head or tail out of it.
i hate you.
i hate you for everything you've done to me.
i really do.
no matter how nice you were, or anything.
you ripped my heart into tiny little itsy pieces
get out of my life.
get out of my face.
i hate you.
i hate you from the very bottom of my soul

2006-08-09T01:05:00.000+08:00

i hate my female hormones.
and i really really mean hate.
blast them, damn them. s
omeone just rip my heart ,
my brain out will ya?
thank you. anything will do. maybe you can just blast a hole in me.
that'll work even more.

right, so isnt there just one day when im not pissed?
i dont think so. a
nger is a good thing,
its natural for me i guess.
no wonder my element is fire.
took zijin and lilan out anybody who saw three girls sitting over mutton bryani,
haha thats us.
and who were at gourmet sitting in front of a painting with a huge tub of ice cream, thats us!
zijin fell in love with ice cream-_- lets all buy her 10 litres of gelato. which would be 160 dollars. start saving money people

so , im pissed.
anger is a comforting fizz under my skin buzzing in my ears.
shutting out any calming words that might drive away this comfortable heat.
i like being angry.
it fuels everything.

it shuts out distractions i
t provides a quiet, burning background against which normal everyday events take place. anger motivates people.
its uncontrollable,
its sometimes submissive
,its unpredictable.
its sustainable, fuel.
its fire in its furious depths.
its an angry red dragon with flaming breath.
its a girl whirling on the fields afar fighting her own hate.
its her trying to fight against the calming feelings that speak against her only source of life fuel.
and trying to quench it. depriving her of passion, of flame, of determination, of burning
calm her only way to drive out the demons in her.
to let her inner soul rule her body for once.
its lightning from the sky,
and tsunamis from the sea.
its a volcano.
its blazing swords with sharp edges.
and ruby red gemstones with glistening surfaces
its flame strong enought to consume entire cities, burn one's very calm from the soul light
a torch that burns throughout the night and may be quenched by only water drawn from the deepest wells of love
. or guilt.
perhaps it is such.

i embrace it.
i live it.
i dont care what people say,
i dont care if i come across as a person full of angst,
who i quote
" shows that she is struggling with life more than needs to be"
so what?

thats your problem, how anybody wants to take it.
anger is power. anger is hate.
anger is something that fules ones determination.
if one cant understand it, one cant harness it.
a big apology to those whose heads i unfortunately bit off while at the height of my raging fury.
thank you

2006-07-29T18:45:00.000+08:00

wow.
im suprised really.
im finally reviving my dead blog.
so shocked by my own initiative.

i think iv spent over ...9 dollars at dm..
in two weeks.
im hooked onto it
i want to go play again!!
*my fingers itch*
i want to play so much.

and im finally on form.
only
its ...a few weeks too late.
sadly
but ah wells.
thats the life of an athelete.

whee
photoshop is fun!
im trying ppl photography now..
thanks to mr president(kennedy)
im finally resuming writing and photog..
but not v gd yet..
haiz.

2006-07-20T12:31:00.000+08:00

hey ppl
national finals was yesterday..
congrats to our team , to raffles family, and to our rivals kcp who won the record, and the golds.
We fought hard, shi ing, eening, and i.
and im proud of all of you..
we deserve the gold.
we are the champs.
and we still have next year,
so work hard k ppl..
jia yous.
its maybe personal glory i guess..or my pridehas been wounded which is why im still feeling rather sore about losing to jodie tan...from nyt..
but shes good.
and she got it...
as they say, alls fair and square in competition...
sigh.
i must work harder..
im aiiming for 395 by december..
so must trn..
harder..
experiencing withdrawal syndrome..
cos nothning else to train for liao..
haiz..
feel empty.
and sore.
but thats me.
i have a lot of pride.
and stubborness.
shouldnt have taken that bloody shot at all.
the 8.
but even if i didnt,
and got a ten,
she would have won by countback.
but heck.
i didnt do my best, and i noe it.
i did my best for now,
but its not my best forever.
peaked too early in the year i guess.
sigh.
signing off.

2006-07-13T14:18:00.000+08:00

oh whee
im writing this in school with shi ing beside me,
so maybe she'll consent to a dual post..
yes??
okay fine..
HELLO!!
shi ing= muachee muachee =shi ing
okay
hope that satifies aunty carol's wishes
coz she let me use her class com for sabbat options.
YAY
<33

LOL
ok..
so haha
you have two ppl writing here,
one: carol aka aunty carol aka ah mei aka hui hui aka xiaohui aka cow
resident trng freak and weird gal
two : shi ing aka muachee.
resident all around nice girl and perfect person

whee.
isnt that coooollll??
WAHAHAHA
haha.
ok im weird
and im lame..
wahhahahaahaha..

ehh wait.
thats WAY TOO MUCH of overestimating lorr
so bad
hehehhe
later i get so much more ego then u knoe ahh
HAHAHA
oops.
okay sorry not funny

o yay
carol's back.
right.
one thing i found out?
SHI ING IS AS LAME AS ME!
whee
finally an accomplice in lameness
yay
*jumps for joy*
....
....
....
...
*smashes into classroom ceiling*
...
...
...
..
shi ing just took over the com
due to carol's unconciousness

actl no!! carol was busy with AHEM business which blasted her eardrums.
oh wells.
AHEM
today who was shi ing smsing in school i wonder.....
CLARIFICATION!!!!!
i dun sms in class
IM A GUAI KIA
HAHAHAHA
*poof* carol just punched shi ing
OUCH!!!
*shi ing has just fainted..under carol's revival!!*
weh wait
will it make shi ing's condition even worse???????

hmmmmm.
let's put on our thinking caps!!

see the rush of spasm??
*hint hint point point*

time for sabbats option ppl!!
im gonna be selfish and steal carol away.(carol:-_- shi ing so ah....ahem how to steal big carol away ne? haiz..ok i go lose weight then she can carry me away..she want to steal me away for what..i so nice meh?so touched) eh wait. STOP. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

*shi ing squeals. in her normal high pitched voice.. CAROL HAS JUST SWUNG HER LIKE A BATTING BAT. OUCH!! okay i shall siam once i finish the sabbat thingy
or else by the time i get to safra
i got no more bones liao
JUST JOKING!!
ohno. carol i dun need another round!!
but it was fun.
oh well
spastic shi ing
(carol: im sure you realise that was shi ing..i would never do that to shi ing in real life....ahzik...SHE IS THE ONE WHO BULLIES ME!!)
WAHAHAHA
okay sorwie
not funny

BYEBYE!!
nice nice dual post.
then end.
STILL SCROLLING AH!!!
nothing else le lah.
BYEBYE

2006-07-08T01:05:00.000+08:00

whee!
my bdaes coming soon!
17th july!
haha
shi ing and i were comparing.
she was born 17th dec, jiaming is 17 june, shi ing's dad and fren are 17th august and september, den oso got another fren 17th march, may, april. so now all we need are jan, feb, nov, oct to make a complete list!
haha
my wish list:
material possessions:
FULL set of MAGIC KNIGHT RAYEARTH comics , series 1 and 2:D
angelic layer full series.
Groove Coverage's new cd.
books! haha:P
cant think of anything else though...

wishes:
gold indi and team for our school!
to find a best fren
to fit in.
do my best, whatever it is, in the finals.
to change myself, be understanding to all my frens and be there for them. no matter what happenes to them.
to get to know more ppl.:d
aha

weird.
im content as it is.
well, i noe it wont last forver,
but i'll tape it down in my mind.
and rmbr.

2006-07-06T15:25:00.001+08:00

gods
i totally f***ed up my national prelims..
THANK YOU LORD FOR LETTING ME GO TO FINALS.
gawk.
I SHOT A FREAKING NINETY TWO!!
A NINETY TWO!!!
AND I TOT THAT FRIGGIN 95 WAS BAD ENUFF!!!
WELL OBVIOUSLY IT WASNT!
ARRRGGGHHHH
189.
92,97,
i totally lost it after shooting that stupid 8..
like..so many 9.9s??
kcp and tms beat me.
jodie tan and shauzunah.
shouldnt have shot all those 100s before the comp..
peaked too early.
ah wells.
the lord is trying to teach me smth i suppose.
i hope i can pick myself up after this.
AND NOT SCREW UP FOR THE FINALS>.
pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls pls
gark.
im still in shock
hci ...
hells.
they screwed up
well..
yeah.
so acsi didnt beat them and they were on their happy happy way to the finals.
den jason lau went to go and appeal for recount..
so....
in the end..
they beat hci by a small margin..
i think ah...
if im not wrong...2 pts.
or 1.
sad isnt it?
ah wells.
JIA YOU HCI sec 4s FOR NEXT YEAR
shi ing , you did really relaly really well!
jia you hor.
you still need to work on your stamina k?
13 days to finals,
11 to my bdae
gark.
i have to trn away my bdae agn..
so sad..
not that i even celebrate it..but still its nice to noe that, oh today is your bdae, you can cut some slack that sorta thing..
but no no
i have to go for finals..
i love you spirit!!
thanks for working with me all this while!
(spirit is my gun btw....for all those who DONT know...i noe its stupid...and weird to name a gun..but well, im weird aint i ? not stupid i hope..if i was...drop me a line on my tag board...i honestly hope im not.... wheee..im hyper...somebdy brick me before i start flying of*is bricked*)
yes zijin,
tissue,,,,
i saw your tag board post,
which is why im kindly updating my blog for your reading pleasure,
aint that nice of me?
:D
wheee.
well actually im hyper so thats diffrent aint it?
haha.

THANKS ADMIRAL!!
haha
thanks for that berlin wall fragment you got for me from berlin when you went there for your europe trip.
im so touched im actually writing about it in my blog.
now quick.
tag me.
:P
you gotta jia you k? for trng i mean..
just dun get punched by that 300.

invented a new word.
haha.
slutches...
i was ranting on and on about how wearing hot pink and black would like, be very very..ah....
for our school cca jacket.
i mean...
HOT PINK AND BLACK?
come on ppl agree with me.
so i was talking about bitches and sluts, and i accidentally mixed the two up.
so...introducing..
SLUTCHES.
lol
kai yun even went to create a blog with that name..
whoa..
...
...
ok fine. i agree.
i was overeacting...
but im highly adverse to HOT PINK.
i mean.
over my dead body.
but at least its only lines on our jacket.
...
haiz.

i lost my trigger yesterday
DUN ASK ME HOW I DID IT.
i didnt lose it in the physical sense, i just,
well.
i was tiaoing my trigger cos it was too heavy and i kept jerking the stupid gun, even when i was following coach's instructions,
so i lessened it,
and i cocked the gun,
so no click.
but ah..
what happened agn was that..
when i tried to increase it agn( its happened before)
still no clickl
no matter how much i tiaoed that stupid screw,
no trigger!
so yeah..
thats what i mean by losing my trigger..
so well,...ahah.
i panicked and ran for coach li.
thats me..gun crazy haha lols.
ok im lame.
as i mentioned before.
so any way, he took apart the whole gun and fixed it..
so whee..

shot pistol today.
thanks bear! for letting me use your pistol and coaching me..
haha.
hey nyshooting, any riflers wanna go join pistol for singapore opens with me?
heh heh ehe..
so funny.
when we were trng, it was like, so serious cos coach was there
then the moment she went off,
we all started slacking.
the hci, the acsi, the ri , and the nygh(eening and me), rgs as well.
haha.
so funny.
so we;re all gng arnd trying each others guns.
and poor jun yang got a shock when his gun *exploded*
bad gas release or smth.
up till now i still dont know what his junior did to it.
but anyway, no harm done.
junyang's gun is nice...
p700 alu.
very nice...
but i still prefer my gun:D
haha..

but anyway, heres a tribute, to all those i know who made it to the finals..
*takes deep breath*
pius, jason, derek,leonard,christopher,(i noe i missed out one guy..but i dunno his name!),junyang,jonathan,liqian,jeremy, guilin,ri guy who i cant rmbr name, birdy, sandra, yitian,eening, shi ing,(did i miss out anybody i noe? ppl tell me k)
JIA YOU FOR THE FINALS
WIN IT FOR ALL OF US.
ROCK IT
SHOOT IT!
LETS DO OUR BEST
LETS WIN IT FOR OUR SCHOOLS AND GIVE OUR ALL
GAMBATE JYA NE!!
JIAYOU!!!

ok that was .....
invigorating.
or lame.
up to you to choose.
right..
i think iv written enuff..
so signing off!
cheers.

2006-06-13T00:06:00.001+08:00

wheee
i shall revive my dead blog..
caution
CPR in progress....
yes yes yes!
its breathing again!
haha
ok
update ppl
haiz..
my marks saved me!
free to shoot the whole hols
whoopeee!!!
haha
shot 392 for monthly,
99.98,96,99
and here i am thinking...coach is gng to kill me for the 96...and my frens are gng..
what the shit? hello girl you just shot 392 why are you worrying whether your coach is gng to kill you anot?
den in nusis later..after i narrowly get back my feeling...
i shot 390
98,95!!!,99,98
and im doing the same thing
coach is realyl gng to killme for the 95
den my sis is gng...YOU GOT THIRD YOU STILL NOT SATISFIED
me::'(..im gng to die
wuliao right?
then agn..i am wuliao
..later when coach come back..
she goes..you shot so many 98's and 99's.,still cry about the 95 and 96...
haiz..
and frankly..im only blogging aobut it now..
...the monthly shoot results got taken down so yeah
..
haha
i beat vanessa!
theres been speculation that they took it down,....becos somebody who wasnt nyt, or ntt ...smore is coach zhang's student topped the list..
i dunno?
maybe?
haha
anw didnt feel like telling anybod.y.
its..not smth to be proud of i guess..
i was always dreaming about it it..etc..
but when you actually get there..
you go..
issit such a big deal?
its diffrent..
i guess
haiz..
whee!
ui gave up on my crush
so im free
haha
went out with sebastien today....
hes like..5 years older...couldnt tell really..
so nice!
so fun!
watch x men 3!
its damn nice..
excpet they killed off psylocke!!!!
AAAHHHH
WHYYYYY
shes the woman of all women!
anw...my jaw muscles are aching..from too much laughing and smiling...
i havent laughed or smiled so much in one day in my entire life!
haiz...
sebastien so nice!!
so cute.
haha..
so tall-_-
jaywalking today..
in orchard road.
...
...got damn freake dout lor
i mean..yishun no cars can...
but...orchard road??!!
haiz
neway couldnt trn afterwards
too tire.d.
i should slp earlier now
haiz..
blagh..
PRELIMS IN TWO WEEKS!!!
MUST TRN!!
even then..after trng everyday for one year...you kinda get tired..
and im getting tired
i hope i dont burn out ..
haiz
whee
bbb
cheers

2006-04-07T18:22:00.000+08:00

my blog is seriously dead
yay!
hahah
exams are arnd the corner
my moms breathing down my neck
i dun get gd marks
i dun get to go for nationals..
noooo
lol
shot so badly for monthly
shall not say the score
otherwise i be considered hao lian
but even then
either way i say
im considered hao lian!
so shall just say that i kept hesitating to pull my trigger
yay

2006-03-20T23:38:00.000+08:00

somebody
destroyed
my
tripod
he just ripped out the screw at the base
the result
a tripod that cant be used
cause one of its legs is detached
but it makes a very good weapon
i felt so mad
it ws like this smouldering rage inside me
it was all i could do
just to prevent myself from screaming
who would hate me that much??
well....
i dunno
but im pretty destestable i guess
have a lot of enemies
but....
that time
it was like i felt
something burning inside me
and my eyes...they felt weird
i dont know
i just felt.....on the crest of a cresting wave of anger
poised on top of a roaring waterfall
i havent felt so mad in ....
2 years or so
and the last time...
smth really bad happened
i haven lost my temper in so long
freaky....
anw..
if i ever get my hands on that person
hes liable to get tortured within a mile of his life.
on friday i shot 394/393/392
99,97,97,99 uncle tan
99,97,98,100
coach loi
today i shot 390
screwed up the last series
argh
couldnt even see the target
im flaming mad

2006-03-17T21:23:00.000+08:00

heya
hey all
feeling rather down
even my life is hot
my shooting is hot
something seems to be missing
its obviously god
but theres something else thats missing
something intangible
i cant put my finger on it
physically
im fine with everything
mentally??
i dont know
went to orchard on friday to fufill a deal
nygh fun fair tix in return for collar pins
but the other party made a loss
i feel really bad about it
so stoned there for a while
cause din have anything else to do ....
watching them sell
and then happened something i will always remember
the parting of the red sea
...
AHAHAHA
so funny
i so bad
hon was selling his pins
den he came to a group of three girls
the moment he approached them
...
vshoom
they ranaway
us all:
O.O
...
smirk
giggle
ahahahhaha
diao im a really bad girl
but it was so funny!!

2006-03-15T23:45:00.000+08:00

what a nice and yet bad day
im having them all over the place like nothing
sigh
well
i cant express most of my thoughts here
because they would be considered contreversial and stuff
and offensive politically
so i shall not
but i will say this
men, who give up their families and lives to work for the common people to better them, but in the end are rejected because they do not meet the cut after the period they serve, do they deserve to be shunned and feng ci'ed and insulted and everything and their families suffer in the end because of all of this, is it considered fair?
maybe
i dont know
lately iv been along
natural for a loner
but after some time it gets really really heavy
like a stone on your back
i dont have any best friends
so i dont know whats its like
to have someone on parr with you
and understand you completely
whats a best friend
whats a friend
whats true love?
what is love
so many questions
but it seems they can only be answered with experiences
so must wait
this is starting to sound like self pity and stuff
but im just so curious about everything
whats its like to be in love
sigh

2006-03-13T23:53:00.002+08:00

argh

2006-03-13T23:53:00.001+08:00

argh

2006-03-13T23:53:00.000+08:00

argh
what a bad and good start to the hols....
first up
nice trng!
nice gun!
nice day!
on nice sunny sun day!
den...
i get heart attack
two of them
actually one doesnt count
cause i got it yesterday...
but waitaminit
thats connected
so heck
first heart attack
shall not say
ahah
basically saw this guy standing behind me during shooting...
..
.turned around once
din go
turned around twice
he: hi
me:....do i noe you??
he: now you do(smile)
......
not a cause for heart attack...
but...as you all noe
im a loner!
and PROUD of it
ahah
so yeah
...
being said hi to by a total stranger??
totally unheard of
...
ahah
...
in my case...
yeah
den at e end of trng
go pump my cyclinder...
omg
MY ADAPTER IS MISSING!
MY 300 BAR ADAPTER
ARGHH
2nd heart attack
den,...
think i may have left it at home
so praying very hard will find it
in e end borrow adapter from coach
and pump
den....
when take out e canister
...
forgot to turn off the compressor
so big burst of compressed air in my face
gets bigger and bigger and bigger
till i shut it off
thankfully
3 rd heart attck
den..
.when put my canister on....
psssttttt!!!
sound of gas escaping!!!
...
4th heart attackj
release it
den...
put it back on
PHSSSTTTT!!!
...
bring it to mr ho...
...he puts it on
...
PHSSSTTTTT!!!!
he looks at it
and says
theres something stuck in there
den.....
take tweezer out
start tugging
den...
found out
O RING TORN!!
call uncle tan
sos
he say
dun worry
monday will come over
so today
praying veryu hard will go alright
first up...
4 hour lecture on inheritance and dna
den...
the silent scream
so cruel
den...
lunch
home
gun shop...
den.....
drumrolls...
safra
uncle spent 1hour taking the o ring out
den i found the right o ring
he put it on
go and pump it
den i say my adapter missing...
he go...
ai yah...
your 300 bar one ah
that one cheap
i feel so relieved
den he put the canister on
click
....
O.O
cocked the gun
BANG!!
BANG !!
BANG!!
BANG!!
IT WORKS
!
IT WORKS!!
jumping around for joy
both of us
den later on
i shoot better than past few weeks
den afterwards
uncle leong arnd
go ask him if he saw my adapter
he say yes
and show it
YAY YAY YAY
THANK YOU LORD
...
by his grace my troubles are solved...
though this seems very trivial...
sigh
nvm
thank you...
gtg
gd nite ppl

2006-02-27T13:23:00.000+08:00

hey all
:D
cheese
im at home now so blogging
trying to keep my pitiful little blog alive:D
i suddenly took sick last nite
woke up at 2 am in the morn with my throat all swollen and a high fever
bleagh
should have seen it coming
trng like shit
i screwed up for yesterdays monthly
really screwed
lets see what happened
a i went late by mistake
so heart was jumping all over the place like dunno what lor
b i freaked out though it wasnt as bad as last time
96 94 96 94
i dun even shoot 94 in trng
average 97 98 99
then boom
i get two of em
380
theres this tms girl who can do 384
really really strong competition
sadly
sigh
must jia you
coach said my dong zuo and stuff improved
much better
but im still having problems with my trigger
and aiming
i just dun noe when to pull it lor
and when i do
the whole gun bloody jerks
me or the gun
iv no idea which
sigh
so now must train my trigger
and hope i can hit 385++
by next monthly
sigh

2006-02-25T22:34:00.000+08:00

hey ppl
so much has happened in the past few weeks so this is going to be a pretty loooonnnnggg post
first up:
my gun is here
after such a long time:D
its so beautiful!!
haha hard to believe that its finally here
what to name it??
issit a he or she??
haha
iv got competition tmw so scrape the looonnnggg post idea
must slp early-_-
rite
im so nervous about the monthly
i noe i shouldnt be thinking this way that im up against so many pros
but still
...
sigh
i hope i do well
otherwise its really
ah wells
trained so hard
been shooting ok
though lately i cant see the target very clearly
sigh
great lost the original train of though
bleargh
well
lately iv been really lonely and stuff
and finding out my faults which is really really really really quite painful
feels as if a big hole ripped in one's heart
lonely part
welli have frens and they are really great and everything
especially my sister alisi
well
its strange
i used my shooting and training and still do
just to block out all negative thougths
but occasionally they do slip in and everything
im too blunt for my own good
sigh iv no idea what to do or say
who to trust or not
i seem to only see ppl's good points
not their bad
their bad are normally worse than their good
which is not good
sigh
what should i do/

2006-02-09T17:05:00.000+08:00

hey ppl
sorry i havent written in such a long time
so many things have happened
well
first off
li jiao lian
is no longer with us
he was in a freak accident at khatib
and
was run over by a bus
during CNY
he was 67
and greatly loved by all of us
a minute of silence

ok
well.
guess what
i was at my peak for the first month.
shot a 100//
omg
..
no la
was only for grping
if for dan fa
u'd see a hole in the roof
so happy
trying to lose weight,
but not succeeding so far
bleargh
ah wells
forget about it
rite now
every moment i have with my frens
i treasure every moment
and my life is good rite now
sori lost my original idea cuz went off for a while
bleargh
shall write more when i tink of it
my guns coming in two weeks

2006-01-08T22:42:00.000+08:00

hey guys
sorry i havent posted in a long time
but iv been so bloody busy
and iv decided to blog only when big events happen
well
there were a lto of big events
but im not going to mention one or two
ok
so after i come back after my trip
im shooting damn good
but then i stop for christmas
den
shoot so badly after that
for like a week in a row
den today happen to meet coach
she took 5 mintues
to see my problem
i shot 99
ohmygod
such a nice grouping lor
XIE XIECOACh
and some more she sent me home
so damn nice of her lor
wonder why so many ppl agianst her
i mean you gta admit that shes really good at coach ing la
but still
i have
actually
got a god borther now
his name
is
well
i wun
say
but you noe who you are
hahah
he saw my profile online
den
like
asked me to be his mei
..
nobody's asked me that b4
i'd say i was shocked
and
well
freakdout
and
wlel
pleased
i mean
iv nvr
like
gotten that from a guy

im not that kind of girl
which
is
like
very
xi ying to guys
so ya
and im nto very popular either
and so im still wondering
why such a nice cute and popular guy who has got hordes of girls(ok im exagerating, but still...) after him
asks me to be his mei
im the onyl he asked
he rejected
like
dunno how many
its a little hard to belive
sigh
also
schll has started!!
arghhhh
i got the worst teacher in la
..
well
im supposed to do this portfolio
well
for self interest
well i wantedto join la by myself
our teaxcher told us about it last yr
all she said
was like
build up on your writing portfolio over the hols
so i did
then
last week
my new teacher
comes and says
oh
you noe the writing portfoio>
you have to do 5 pieces and hand up to me
then so i do
i finish like 7-8 pieces
then after that
wehn i hand it up
she looks at the criteria
and tells me
oh sorry i made a mistake
5 shrot stories
10 poems
by next fri
..
so i go write my heart out
butthen
i mention it to my frne
that im doing it
then
she tells me i also have to do an intro bout myself
reflectionon every piece
and a conclusion
..
WHATTHEFUCK!!
ARRRHGHHHJJJ!!!
...
io need to shoot myself
.....
wheres my walther?
oo
not here yret
end of jan or beginningof feb
shall wait patiently
so much hw
im squeezing stuff
i have to go for four days trng week
..
plus my schl
argh
anddo my hw
..
even more argh
sigh
signingoff
..

2005-12-22T12:18:00.000+08:00

hey
i just got back from fuzhou
one word to describe it
wow
i had so much fun
the trng was really really really useful
i didnt want to go back
its freezing there
im fujian by the way
its really freezing
they say its 15
but it feels like the north pole
for once im glad for the extra layers of shooting suits
more warmth
on the other hand also because the extra layers of fats as mer puts it
blubber
i cant really report the whole trip
i made so many new frens there
the shooting program is basically
6am wake up do zao cao
7am breakfast
8am training
1130am finish
12pm lunch
2pm trng
430pm PT
6pm dinner
after that free
thats what the shooters go through everyday
they are the province team
and they are good
the competition is so fierce
that the shooters can shoot away their whole life and still not get chosen to represent either the country or even the province
its really really fierce
yet the ppl
are so nice
made so many frens
even though most of them are twenty over
they dont seem like it
they seem ageless
thats the only owrd i can use to describe
maybe its because they are carefree
as in
most twenty year olds nowadays
have to work and stuff
yet they shoot and shoot
i dont noe how to descirbe it
Wang Ying, Huang Yun, Cong Yi, Bing Bing, Xiao Pu Dian aka Yanfen,
Heres a salute to you
thanks for all the fun times
you will always be immortal in my memory
i hope i see them nxt year
the trng
is tough but coool
I DiD 3P!!
I SURVIVED
on the first day Coach made me do prone 10 times
getting up and down
for a beginner thats very very tough
i was almost crying at the end
but
as always(most of the time)
Coach noes best
the next day when i did it again
and finally shot
my grouping was damn nice
:D
The guns recoil
is
wow
its BIG
the first time i shot the first bullet
i went
WO DE MA YA
cause i was really shocked by the recoil
but got the hang of it
thanks coach
ah wells
prone is so fun
once you get the hang of it
thinking bback about the pain
i guess its worth it
cant say the same for kneelign though
my thighs are seirously unflexible
so when trie dto kneel
the most i could kneel for is 10 mintues
my achign thighs
owwwwww
coach made me do 5 sets?? cant rmbr of 5 minutes each
by the time i finished the last one
i was crying really badly
it hurt so much
yah
when i shot
well
lets just say i like prone better
you have your full body length to support the recoil at least
but kneeleing
i nearly flopped over sideways
my cards werent as gd as my prone
thats to be expected
taking into consideration i cant stand the pain
even though its more stable
well...
my shots were in the middle then you can see them going to the right
thats when i couldnt stand it haha
when you do prone
your left hand gets really really numb
on the last day i had to use my other hadn to unravel my left hand from the strap
becuz you have to wind this strap around your left hand to support the gun
its really tiring, prone..
haiz
whereas in kneelign
your foot gets numb
ah well
the first time i did prone
i flopped down so hard that my student coach wang ying and cong yi got so freaked out
haha
ah well
daniel and jing na/
i salute you too:D
haha
ah well
i felt that it was a success
hope i can adjust to the 601
cuz al the ugns we used there were compressed
so shuang
ahhhhh
LD
my walther is coming in a month to twonow
yay!!
ok
signing off
will say more later
i add a prayer for my frens in fuzhou
which i didnnot want to leave
=acutally the reason why i didnt want to leave was becuas of them i guess
ah well
lord look after all of them
though they are not your children, take them into your embrace
in jesus name i pray
amen
so mote it be
sorry about the prayer
but thats the only way i can express my feelings
well
cuz frankly speaking im worried for them
what happens once they stop shooting?
so look after them lord
amen
tata
signing of

2005-12-10T17:46:00.000+08:00

hey...
im leaving tmw for china air rifle boot camp
FINALLY
yippeee
im going thru a lot lately
what does one do
when one's two gd frens are going thru a lot as well
what does one do?
im not mentioning any names
those of you who noe who im toking about
DONT YOU DARE SAY
haiz
welll
im very very mao dun now
shes going thru so much that its starting to make me cry cuz i dont noe how to help her carry the burdern
even though she says just by listening im helping already
i just dont noe how to help her
i haven been in a bgr and is probly very very UNLIKELY to get into one
so i dont noe if my advice is valid or not
and whther it is useful or not!!
and im not sure if thats all i can do
im just very mao dun
somemore her boyfren is one of my frens though im not srue whther close or not
and even though i sometimes feel like doing something i regret
i just dont noe what to do.........
ah wells
hope i survive boot camp...
nd to survive for the sake of...ummm....i donno....myself and my parents? cant think of anybdy else i should survive for...
something an ex fren said affeted me a lot i guess
even though it was very exxagerated in my opinion but stilll...
haiz
god i pray you will help me through this difficult time
amen
so mote it be

2005-12-07T22:35:00.000+08:00

whoppee!! im off to FUjian on the long awaited air rifle trip!
at least for ME anyway.
im going with Jing na and Daniel chia and coach.
Im not sure if im pro enuff to go with them
cuZ im only sec 1
and im not pro....yet im still gng...am i out of my MIND?
i dont noe
but at least im gng
its been delayed so many times
HANDS UP PPL WHO HAVEN FINISHED THEIR HOLIDAE HW??
I just found out from Minying that we have this commonwealth essay thingy to do/...
ARGHHHHH
Thank goodness i at least finished my maths.....
heng ah...
thank goodness for my mom;s advice
I shot SO BADLY TODAE!!
IM FREAKING OUT!
Im still not being abel to adjust to the gun I just finish adjusting to myself
keep getting a crick in the neck
My previous gun just broke down
R.I.P( rust in peace:D)
ah welll
its been so faithful
may you rest in peace dear gun.
which is why im concerned bout my trip to china.
am i gd enuff??
dunno
Ming zhe asked me today why i didnt go to RGS, where as he said i could develope my shooting further( mingzhe you gotta tell me whether you said or not..or it was someone else....otherwise i will be like making false quotes)
Truth is i DONT regret my choice of going into Nanyang.
If i didnt go to nygh, i went to rgs,
I wouldnt have chosen Air rifle as a cca
I would have chosen choir or fencing
And if i did i wont have even entered this world
even if i DID choose Air rifle
i wouldnt be able to go competition so early
and discover what i had
i wouldnt have so many chances to pursue my dreams
as i have now
i wouldnt have met so many nice ppl and made such good frens
I wouldnt be where i am now
They say the secondary school you go to molds you into the person you are to be
and its true
it also teaches you important lessons in life
for expample time management
to pass all the exams and everything
you have to study
some ppl get thru secondary school by sheer unadulerated mugging
which if you ask me is just plain stupid
cuz you just mug the best years of your teenage life away
yet we have to mug
so secondary schl
yteaches us how to plan our time and get gd results and everything
and we stil get to enjoy our years as a secondary school student
it works out in the long term run
because if you ask me...
take the time you spend mugging and schooling now
and convert it to the time you spend working
get it?
and ur cca is a hobby
yet if one just all works and doesnt play
thats just really well...
everybody deserves a rest and decent play
so sec schl teaches us how to handle life on a smaller scale I guess
to make the most out of our life
yet enjoy the moments we have with our frens.....i think
do you guys understand?
comments on my tag board pls
thank you
frankly speaking
im happy where i am now
what im doing
how im doing it
where when and why im doing it
In todays fast pace world,
money is everything.
not many ppl are easily contented with what they have
but at this point in time
i can say im contented for now
i have to savour this contentedness
I once read this story
it was about this author's encounter with a girl from one of the hardest and poorest classes in china....i think it was lang4 nu...
She was walking on the beach, and she saw a flock of birds in the sky
she said
thats a gift from god in heaven to me
this girl had almost nothign in life
we nowadays
cant appreciate what we have in life
what is a flock of birds to us now?
its probly just a common thing
that we see everyday
smth we take for granted
yet this girl says its a gift from god
so we have to learn to apreciate the things in life
open our eyes
see evrything there is to see
in our short short lives
live life to the fullest

2005-12-05T21:35:00.000+08:00

Here are the instructions>Please do this and send it back. It isn't hard, and apparently, it's >great when you start to get people's answers back. Okay, here's what >you're supposed to do...and try not to be LAME and spoil the fun. >Copy (not Forward) this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail >that you will send. Change all of the answers so that they apply to >you. Then, send this to a whole bunch of people you know INCLUDING* >the person who sent it to you. The theory is that you will learn a >lot of little known facts about your friends. It is fun and easy.
>1. Time of starting This?Wednesday December 7, 2005, 9:51pm>
2. Were you named after anyone?No...i was named for joy cuz my parents were glad when i was born
>3. Do you wish on stars?> i do sometimes for fun, like when i did back when i was child( i noe this makes me sound old but wat the heck)>
>4. When did you last cry?>About two weeks back?? When i had a very very bad emotional breakdown. I still dont know who caused it.
>5. What is your favourite meat? beef.....
>6. What is your most embarrassing CD on your shelf?>nothing. All my cds aren embarassing>
>7. If you were another person, would YOU be friends with you?>i dunno. Most ppl say im stuck up. Up to you really. >
>8. Are you a daredevil?>yeah >
>9. How do you release anger?>me? In diffrent ways i guess. One is to just go to the air rifle range and start blowing holes in the target. But then i get angry with my grouping and get even more angry.The other is to walk in the rain. I noe its stupid and i got flu but still....and the other is just punch my pillow. >
>10.Where is your second home?>yishun safra...im there most of the time..iduring the hols i mean>
>11. Do you trust others easily?>i TOO easily......got hurt too many times as a result>
12. What was your favourite toy as a child?>according to my mum and my baby piccs, it was a disgusting old toy cat>
>13. What class in school do you think is totally useless?>cme =)>
>14. Do you use sarcasm a lot?>I dun even really KNOW how to use it....>
15. have you beeen in a mosh pit?
What the hell is that? >>
16. What do you look for in a guy/girl?>........I DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT! TOO YOUNG AND TOO BUSY!>
>17. Would you bungee jump?>hey yeah dun mind....where?>
>18. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off?Nvr...i just skip em off. >
>19. What's your favourite ice cream flavour?>....ummm...yoghurt. >
>20. what is your favourite colour?>black
>21. What is your least favourite thing?Holiday Homework>
>23. What do you miss most right now?My fren Tianch who is in London. >
>24. What are you listening to right now?>nth>
>25. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?>Black>>26. What is the weather like right now?cool and damp>
>27. Last person you talked to on the phone?Mr Tan Bian Chai>>28. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?>......................... >
>29. Do you like the person who sent you this?>hey shes a nice girl>
>30. How are you today?>im getting flu. N i shot badly. NOT gd>
>31. Favourite drink?>Mocha latte>
>32. Favourite alcoholic drink?beer. Actually its the ONLY one i tried. Haha. NOT applicable. >>33. Natural hair colour?>black but it got dyed brown. >
>34. Eye colour?>brown>
>35. Wear contacts?>no
>36. Siblings?none>
>37. Favourite month?>autumn months>
>38. Favourite food?>ok you are gonna freak out but i tink its fruits. >>39. Last movie you watched?>AEON FLUX>
>40. Favourite day of the year?competition days >
>41. Have you ever been too shy to ask someone out?>ummmmm.....I dont even TRY>
>42. Scary movies or happy endings?>happy!>
>43. Summer or winter?>both.>
>44. Hugs or kisses?>=hugs, iv nvr been kissed>
>45. Do you want your friends to write back?>yess!>
>46. Who is most likely to respond?>dunno>
>47. Who is least likely to respond?>joanna>
>48. What book/magazine are you reading?>the light of the oracle, victoria hanley
>49. What's on your mouse pad?>my mouse??>
>50. What did you watch on TV last night?>CSI miami>
>51 Favourite Smell?>umm...MINT >
>52 do you regret ever breaking up with someone?>never broke up before reason being nvr been in a relationship b4>
>53. Time of finishing?>10:00pm...>

2005-12-04T00:35:00.000+08:00

iv had blogs in the past, but i wont bother putting up the entries here. reason being some of them are very painful memories and i want to forget the past.